In the Beginning
I know it couldn’t be more cliché, but we all have a beginning and it all started somewhere. My wife and I met in 2007 and reunited after college/life experiences in 2012. We knew from the very first date that we were going to spend a lifetime together. Now, I know that sounds cheesy, but when you know…you know, RIGHT?!?!
Our first date is actually why I am writing this. We didn’t know, but during that date, a series of discussions would set into motion events that would change us, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Children. Yes, we discussed having children on our first date. In fact, I wanted a baseball team, but we settled on a volleyball team instead. We even discussed names we would give our children. Four months after that climatic first date, I proposed. And after what seemed a lifetime, while on one knee, she said yes.
After a year of planning our wedding, buying and remodeling our house, switching careers, and directing a stage play, we married June 29, 2013. We thought we would get pregnant right away and have a baby before our first anniversary. I mean, we knew we didn’t want to wait any longer than we had to. We soon learned that it wasn’t going to be as easy as we wanted it to be. I mean, they made it sound so easy in health class when I was high school.
Are we being punished?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!
The thought of punishment went thru my mind more often than not. Yes, I even thought God was punishing us, and at one point I lost all faith and hope that we would ever conceive a child. Why is it so damn hard to have a baby?
It was hurdle after hurdle trying on our own. After my wife had surgery, we thought our prayers would be answered, but yet again it was negative test after negative test. Even the ovulation tests were always negative. How could this be happening? We prayed and prayed, did everything the doctor asked of us, but still we couldn’t conceive. And just when you thought it was safe to peruse Facebook, another pregnancy announcement popped up. It was as if, “YOU CAN’T HAVE A BABY” was in our face 24/7.
Emotions were all over the place; up, down, and sideways. But something kept pulling us towards adoption. We would revisit our conversations about adoption a few nights a week and slowly my wife would research it. Eventually we met with a couple from my hometown that had just completed their adoption. They were so happy, and their family felt whole. We played with their son while chatting about the adoption process and could feel the great joy they had in finally being a family. We wanted that…I wanted it. People kept saying, “Keep the faith,” “It will happen,” “Your such a great couple, you will have children soon.” Those comments were nice and all, but the hurt was almost unbearable.
Hurt and loss was all I could feel. Put on a face, go to work and be happy, come home and release your emotions, and repeat day after day. At this point, I thought that it would be just us and the two dogs. Yep…we are DINKS (duel income no kids)…DINKS FOR LIFE!