From A Mother’s Perspective

I Wanna Go Home

The day has finally come! We are traveling to Bulgaria and will soon meet our little daughter.  For those that don’t know, I was traveling with my mother.  You see, Adam had surgery a few weeks ago and spent time in the hospital, but the morning we left he was back in surgery to “clean out fluid” and set him up with a wound vac.  The doctor called and let me know that all was well, so I could breathe a bit easier.

Our drive to Janesville was uneventful, but a nice bonding time with my mom.  I think we were both a bit nervous and maybe a bit scared. You see, she has never been out of the country and I usually have Adam with me when I travel.  He took care of that by writing step-by-step instructions for me in my traveling journal. It was very helpful, but also very emotional reading his notes.

I’m not going to lie…I cried. 

We were able to talk with Adam later on our drive and hearing his voice made me breathe even easier!  Our bus ride to the airport was pretty neat. Getting to see out such large windows, looking at every place decorated for Christmas, even though it was days before Thanksgiving.

On the bus I had lots of time to think, which isn’t always good, but I’m glad that I did. I was able to connect with another mom adopting from Bulgaria and we chatted back and forth for part of the trip.  You see, I was feeling scared, unsure of myself and unsure of our decision to adopt at all, feeling alone without Adam and lacking sleep.

Talk about a lot of emotions all at once!

Adam decided that since he wasn’t going to be along on the trip he would write cards to all three of us, Sofia, my mom and me, so that he was with us.  Each card was labeled with when to open it.  The first was to be opened once we arrived at the airport.  Mom went off to find something to drink and eat, so that’s when I read my first card.  The flood gates opened and when she returned she knew that I had read my card.  She said he should be punished for making me cry so much.  He simply asked that I message him when we landed at each airport so that he knew we were safe and he told me to cherish every moment and that things back home were fine.

We boarded our plane, found our seats and got comfortable. It was going to be a nine hour flight, in the dark, over the “pond”.  We were given a choice for our meal and I chose the turkey…Happy Thanksgiving thousands of feet in the air over the ocean.  It came in a small tin covered container and even had stuffing. It wasn’t the greatest, but it was something to put in my tummy at 11pm.  Neither of us got much sleep before we landed.  It didn’t pay to try and sleep on the second flight, because it was just a puddle jumper to our final destination. No sleep, no husband and no English equals high emotions.

I’ll admit once we spotted our driver I felt relief, but then we went with him, down stairs to an under ground parking garage (in a foreign country)…yes my brain is questioning this, but we also have to trust.  As we are driving through the city everything is dark and we are traveling fast to a destination that we don’t even know an address for, but he does. Trust right.  We finally arrive at our hotel, sort of off the beaten path, and get checked in. Waiting in our very small room, was a bag on the bed with two little puff pastries…YUM!  The bed was barely off the floor, but it was so inviting.  The tears start again, I want to go home. I want to hop on the next plane out of town and not come back. Yes, I know, I’m so close to meeting our daughter, but I want to go home.

I think I got Adam a bit nervous that night when I was messaging with him and asking him questions that I was thinking of on the bus ride to the airport. He reassured me that things would look better in the morning after getting some sleep. So we went to sleep.  Jet lag was HORRIBLE! I was up at random times all night long.

It will get better, it will.



One thought on “From A Mother’s Perspective

  1. Jamie, I feel like I am on this journey with you and my heart is breaking. I can only imagine the emotions,
    I think you are so strong and brave. I don’t think I would have had the courage.
    As for your husband,I will always think of him as a special caring man,because I don’t know how many times he had to talk me down when I was having one of my temper tantrums at work ,I was so grateful to have him on my side and he would always tell me it was okay and at times give me a hug too. So I am enjoying reading your blog and only want the very best for all of you , because in my eyes Adam deserves the very best and he chose you so you must be pretty special too,
    Also because I wasn’t able to have children because of my husbands health issues I am so happy when others can. You kids deserve this , to be Happy in your little family and with each other. May God Bless all of you


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