Say it isn’t So!!!

The darkest days of our Adoption

This is one of the hardest posts to write.  It is so difficult to revisit all the emotions that I have buried.  But it is a story that should be shared.

We couldn’t help but be excited about the two new additions that would be coming to join our family.  And to top it all off, there was a possibility that we could travel by Christmas.  What an amazing gift from God, to be blessed with two boys.

Soon after the fundraiser, that our families put together for our adoption, we started to put together the boys’ room.  We had decided to let the boys share a room since they were so close in age.  It was such an exciting time.  We were preparing a room, as a couple would prepare a nursery for their new baby.

Our baby, less than a year old, and our toddler were going to have a really cool room.  The theme was woodland creatures.  My father-in-law helped us build a small closet in the room which created a reading nook.  The walls were a light tan color with a burnt orange as the accent.  We purchased a moss green shag rug to bring the feel of nature into the room.  One side of the closet was painted with chalk board paint.  We were going to attached camping coffee cups to hold the eraser and chalk pieces.  We filled the room with stuffed animals, toys, and books.   The closet began to fill with clothes.  Of course all the clothes were woodland themed.  Who can’t resist the cute pajamas with baby fox on the feet, or the deer on the butt.  The only thing that we needed was the crib, which was going being made by my father-in-law.

November came and we still hadn’t heard from our agency regarding our boys.  We knew that travel could be last minute.  Somewhere we had read that it could be less than 7 days notice to travel.  So we continued moving forward as planned.  And as planned and required, we paid in full, $25,000 dollars,  to our agency for the international fees and agency processing fees.  December of 2016 we were contacted by our social worker from our international agency.

We could hear in her voice that something wasn’t right.   Now, I don’t know if it was because it had happened so often,but my brain and emotions just went, “Oh well, it wasn’t meant to be.  Move on Adam.” or was it the fact that I was in complete shock with what was being said to us.  Somewhere in the middle of our conversation, it started sinking in that, we were in for a bumpy ride.  Our international agency was being shut down by the United States Department of Justice.


So many emotions and questions were racing through our heads.  What is going to happen to our boys? How are going to find them?  Who is our new agency going be?  We couldn’t comprehend what was going on.  Somehow the social worker convinced us not to worry.  She told us that they were going to appeal the decision by the D.O.J. that shut them down.

A few more weeks had passed with very little communication from our agency.  They didn’t return any phone calls and responded to very few emails.  And now, out the blue, we receive an email with a transfer document which stated our adoption file was being transferred to a new international agency.  Our current agency was going to pay the $1000 transfer fee and we were to pay the nonrefundable $250 application fee.  Well, can I say, at this point our journey pretty much had hit rock bottom.  Everything was in limbo.  Again everything was filled with uncertainty.

We contacted our new agency and filled out the standard application paperwork.

If you have lost count, this was the third time we had filled out an application!

Part of me should have been surprised when we heard that the $1000 transfer was never received.  Not only was that never received, but our $25,000 that we paid in full was never received by our new agency. And just to add the icing on the cake, our adoption file containing all of our original documents was never forwarded to the new agency.  For two weeks I continued contacting our old agency attempting to get our money and adoption file.

In the middle of February our old international agency was raided by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.


I felt like we were on some television drama that was turning into a horror flick.  And the worst part about it, is that we felt like there was no way out.  You know that part when the actor keeps falling down while be chased by the bad guy?  Yep!!! That was us.

Immediately our new agency was were trying to locate our boys.  After a few weeks, they were able to locate the older boy, but were unable to locate the baby.  To top it all off, they told us that it was very suspicious that a baby was even “available” for international adoption.  In Poland, the children need to be available for domestic adoption for a certain time frame before becoming available for international adoption.  So many things weren’t adding up!

We didn’t know where to turn.  I started reaching out to attorney friends, trying to get some advice.  Our new agency advised us to register our complaint with the State Attorney General’s office.  Thankfully, we saved every piece of electronic communication with our old agency.  In the meantime, we hard to start picking up the pieces, that we called our life.

It was so hard.  Out of all the upsets, this hurt the worst.  So much hope was instilled in us.  Our little boy was gone! One by one the clothes came down from his closet and packed away in a Rubbermaid tote. With each pajama, shirt, and onesie a piece of our heart went with it.

Seriously, are we ever going to have children?

At first, I thought God was punishing us.  Then I thought the world was against us.  And now it was our very own government.  What more do we need to go through?  How much more heartache must we endure?

I was tired and I was worn.  Above all, I had zero faith it was ever going to happen.

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