I Can’t Believe We’re Doing It
After receiving that devastating letter from the state of Wisconsin…we still continued to push forward. For the first time we learned that we needed to be determined. This adoption of our first child was going to be an up hill battle. And it was…right from the start.
We decided to reach out to my wife’s friend who works at a private adoption agency. Luckily, she was having an adoption seminar in a near by town. At least for this one we weren’t driving across the state. So, on a Saturday morning we went for breakfast at our favorite local eatery and headed off to the small, rather short, seminar.
It was held at the local library in one the community rooms. Just right for a few couples to take part. Overall, the seminar was pretty informational. Basically discussing the process of the adoption, different types of adoption, and…..COST. Talk about sticker shock. $25,000+ to adopt a baby! As the lady put it, “It’s one less brand new car you can’t buy in your life time.” Excuse me!!! I don’t buy new cars. We don’t live on that type of budget. How about you say, “It’s going to cost you about half as much or more than what you spent on the purchase of your home.” How can adoption cost so much? I just don’t understand.
At this point I felt hopeless. There is NO WAY we are going to be able to afford to adopt…absolutely no way. It just feels like everything and everyone is working against us. Maybe we aren’t meant to have children. Maybe we are on this earth to spoil our niece, nephew, and godchildren. We started to check out loans, grants, and other not so free money to see what resources we could tap into. And again, another road block. We make too much money but yet we are not living with “deep pockets.” In fact our pockets are quite shallow. We refused to let something as simple as money to get in our way of our dream of having a family.
Now, there is a reason why I focus on networking and creating relationships. You never know when you will need help from somebody. I decided to take it upon myself to meet with a friend of mine that works at the local credit union. (If you are reading this, you know who you are.) I basically poured out my heart to her, and I am pretty sure I cried in her office, but she said that we weren’t dead in the water yet.
You see, there is something called, “creative financing.” Well, who ever invented it, helped us get started on our adoption. My friend wasn’t able to get all of the money we needed at the moment, but she was able to get us some of it. We continued to climb the mountain and we weren’t even close to base camp yet. Lets just say, we are about 50 miles from the mountain, in the car and we can see it in the distance.
We decided to meet with a social worker from a not-for-profit agency to discuss our options. At first I was incredibly nervous, but the social worker was wonderfully welcoming. She went over everything and I mean everything that they would require of us to become adoptive parents on their active parents list. WAIT!!!! There is a list. No one told us until this point that there was a list. Yes, a list of active families pursuing adoption exists in the agency. Some families waiting as long as five years to be matched with their child. This is where my patience comes in to play. I figured it wouldn’t take but maybe six months or even a year to complete an adoption. Well, I was getting educated in this tiny office about the “truths” of adoption.
Yes it will take anywhere from four to 6 months to complete the initial steps of the adoption. After that we would be placed on the “LIST.” Then we get to do something, I for one, am not good at…wait and be patient.
“I am starting to think there is a common theme in adoption…patience.”
Yes…we wait for a birth mom or birth parents to choose our agency we are working with, out of all the other agencies in the state. After meeting with a social worker and laying out their adoption plan and criteria for the adoptive parents, the worker will compile a list from the list. Then the birth mom/parents get to review now smaller concise list and select certain families they want to meet with. So basically, our chances of getting picked are slim to none.
It’s over! We are doomed! What birth parents are going to pick the over weight, not rich, moderately educated family, when they could pick the doctor’s family with the stay at home mom living high off the hog. At this point, my wife was more determined than I was. I went along with it thinking we are setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
It was either jump in with both feet or not at all. There is no dipping your toe in to, “test the water.” It’s literally all or nothing. So we moved forward. Keeping true to my wife’s, determination we filled out the necessary paperwork and paid the $500, non-refundable, application fee. “Weren’t they supposed to be a not-for-profit agency.”
Well we are doing it, regardless of money, road blocks, detours, hurdles, or whatever else gets in our way, we are doing it. But don’t mind my apprehensive trembles, they are completely normal.